In college, Kyle first majors in ___________ but later changes to _____________.
Literature; political science
Creative writing; journalism
Literature; public policy
Creative writing; sociology
Kyle has been the victim of the following (unprosecuted) crimes EXCEPT:
Stalking
Sexual coercion
Carjacking
Kidnapping
Kyle's favorite band is:
Death Cab for Cutie
Metric
Explosions in the Sky
The Smiths
Kyle basically stopped hanging out with Stan in 8th grade because:
Puberty was way too kind to Stan and his popularity quickly surpassed Kyle's, which left him insecure and resentful
Kyle started hanging out with Cartman more, who convinced him that Stan was an asshole
There was a boner incident at a sleepover and Kyle couldn't handle the implication of it
Stan was drinking heavily all the time and Kyle was really straight edge
During college, Kyle gets a job that Stan REALLY hates. This job is:
A barista at a Starbucks on the ground floor of a Manhattan corporate building, where he is visited daily by an obviously interested businessman who can't take a hint.
A TA for a very cultured and intellectual professor, who threatens Stan's masculinity during a time when he can barely stay off of academic probation at a less renowned school.
A resident assistant in a freshman dorm, where he lowkey sells Adderall to stressed students under the moral excuse of 'well it'd be worse if they failed out, wouldn't it?'
A bartender at Julius' in the West Village, where the middle aged affluent and gay patrons give suspiciously good tips
Kyle frequently employs all of these hypocritical character traits EXCEPT:
Claiming to hate all the attention he gets from people, and then getting irritated whenever anyone isn't paying attention to him for any reason.
Expecting everyone to treat his feelings and problems with utmost seriousness and importance, but being generally unwilling to do the same in return.
Getting annoyed whenever anyone reacts to Cartman in any way or falls for any of his schemes, but being 100% susceptible to Cartman himself despite his supposedly superior logic.
Preaching about the low morality of drinking and doing drugs, but then turning around and doing those things himself.
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