Which 90's Family Are You Like When It Comes to "The Talk?"
Your baby tries to touch himself when you are changing his diaper. You:
Immediately move baby’s hand away and say, “No, no.”
Ignore the behavior but feel a little bit uncomfortable.
Use the opportunity to teach your baby about his body by showing him the PBS anatomy series for infants.
Think, “What’s the big deal? He’s learning about his body!”
Say, “You found your penis. Yes, that’s your penis.” Just like you would say, “Yes, that’s your belly button.”
Post a picture of the diaper change on Facebook with the caption, “My baby found his penis!”
Your kid giggles when the pediatrician checks his private areas. You:
Remind him that no one should ever touch his private parts without his permission. Also remind him that it was okay for the doctor to check, as long as you are in the room and he feels comfortable.
Don’t say anything because you had already talked about it before the appointment.
Remain silent. He should be fine with a doctor touching his private parts. After all, if you can’t trust doctors, who can you trust?!
Just hope that part will be over soon.
Give him a look that tells him to take the appointment more seriously.
Ask him after the appointment how he felt about the doctor touching his private parts and if he wants to talk about it more.
Giggle too and later chat about it over hot chocolate.
Your son rips a fart while lying on the couch watching a movie. You:
Say, “Good one!”
Tell him to go outside or go to the bathroom to do that.
Say nothing, bodily functions make you uncomfortable.
Say nothing, it’s just a fart. Who cares?
Tell him you know his stomach must feel better after that!
Compliment him on having a strong sense of self, which allows him to fart in front of others and not care what they think.
Your daughter finds your drawer of lingerie. You:
Tell her not to look in drawers that don’t belong to her.
Let her look through your drawer and have an open conversation about why you have lingerie.
Don’t say anything and close the drawer hoping she won’t ask any questions about it.
Use it as an opportunity to confirm that she really has a good understanding of sex.
Show her the lingerie and ask her if she wants to go to the store for a new push-up bra.
Tell her lingerie is only for grown-ups and you will talk to her about it when she is older.
Your son invites a buddy over for dinner. You hear the friend say, “Oh, you’re so gay!” You:
Tell your kid that his friend is not welcome over anymore.
Yell, “We don’t talk that way in our home” from the other room.
Just let it slide. You have your own kids to worry about!
Sit the kids down and outline the reasons why the phrase is insulting to the LGBTQ+ community.
Casually ask them what that phrase means to them and open up a dialogue at the family dinner table.
High five your son and say, “Hey, cool. I didn’t know you like boys” while you give him a “do you believe this guy” look about the friend.
You see that your daughter doodled “I LOVE Landon” all over her binder. You:
Listen in on her phone conversation to see if this is a serious crush.
Ask her about Landon.
Remind her that she’s not allowed to date until she’s 40.
Bust out the shotgun polish.
Ransack her room checking for birth control pills.
Tell her you can drive her and Landon to a movie date.
Remind her about the importance of healthy relationships as a part of childhood developmental.
Assume this is a childhood crush and dismiss it as not important.
Your daughter and the next-door neighbor are both 6-year-old girls and they are completely inseparable. You find out they’ve been “playing doctor”. You:
Talk to the other parent(s) to make sure they are okay with it and to set some ground rules.
Immediately call the local psychiatrist because there must be something wrong with them.
Sit down with your daughter to explain body parts because you know she’s likely curious and trying to figure things out.
Never talk to your neighbor again and pretend it didn’t happen.
Let them continue playing as it is a normal part of childhood sexual development.
Send the child home and consider whether or not you will let them continue to play together.
You are watching Netflix with your 9-year-old daughter and an intense make out scene comes on that alluded to sex. She asked if you have done “that.” You:
Don’t break a sweat because it’s a totally fair question.
Pray the remote control is within reach so you can switch it off quickly.
Pause the movie because a good explanation could take a while.
Tell her you’ll explain when she’s older.
Ask her what she thinks.
Tell her that is private and continue watching the movie.
Your 7-year-old son comes out of his sister’s room dancing around and wearing a tutu. You:
Get really serious and tell him he better take it off before his father sees. Then throw away the tutu.
Show him how to do a proper pirouette and ask if he would like the matching shoes.
Tell him he’s hilarious and you love that he is unique and creative.
Make sure he knows that a real man would never wear a tutu.
Roll your eyes and ignore it.
Applaud him and list a few reasons why it is important to defy gender norms.
Your 14-year-old daughter comes out of her room in some seriously short shorts. You:
Said, “va-va-voom” and gave her a high five.
Tell her it’s her job not to temp boys.
Explain to her that modesty is a part of your family’s values.
Tell her she’s never allowed to go shopping alone again.
Tell her to have fun and do not comment on her clothes.
Ask if she is wearing those shorts because she likes them or because she is trying to please others.
You over hear your 11-year-old daughter ask her friend what the word masturbation means. You:
Pretend you don’t hear anything and never bring it up again with your daughter.
Tell your spouse and let them handle it.
Open a dialogue and casually discuss your family’s values around masturbation, while you and your daughter are on a walk together.
Give her a book about masturbation and tell her not to talk about it in public anymore.
Tell her about masturbation and your own personal discovery of masturbation.
Give her an explanation of masturbation, tell her masturbation is totally normal, and ask her if she has any questions.
Your 16-year-old daughter told you that her best friend at school had sex. You:
Tell her she can never hang out with that friend again.
Ask her, “How does that makes you feel?”
Inform her that you’re registering her for the all-girl’s school first thing in the morning.
Say, “What do you imagine your first time being like, after you fall in love?”
Have a discussion about how peer pressure can make her feel like she needs to keep up, but that it’s better to wait until she is ready. Also, share a relatable story from your high school days.
Show her a video about the dangers of having sex.
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