Which CTL character are you?
You're at the water park. Which ride do you go to first?
The wave pool. Pure, gentle bliss, so long as you don't think about all the kids that might have peed in it just a minute ago. Oh. Oh no. It's too late.
Isn't there a ride where three people died? That one. Six times in a row. You sit on the outside.
I would not be here. I would be anywhere but here.
Rides later. Popsicles first.
Which sea shanty speaks to your soul?
All For Me Grog
Nancy the Tavern Wench
We'll Rant and We'll Roar
The Cruel Wars
You're at an art museum, and nobody is watching. Which painting do you steal?
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Which cat is hiding under your bed?
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Plants?
Smart! Since they can't move, they've evolved complex defense and communication mechanisms that we can't decipher, much less replicate.
Tasty in a soup, cushy underfoot.
Fine enough outside, but bring them in and I will kill them. I won't apologize for it either. It's just inevitable.
Plant? Give me a plant, any plant, and I will, I repeat WILL, make rope out of it. The only rope you'll ever need. The best rope. This pulitzer-winning rope just delivered three babies and is dating your girlfriend.
This is it. The worst has officially happened. Your soul is crushed.
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Which subreddit would steal twelve hours of your life and make you reconsider your use of the rest?
The subreddit for people who love birds with human arms
The subreddit for people who think toasters are sexy
The subreddit for people who love airport carpets
The subreddit for people who live for when water flows over the milk jug at the perfect angle to make a bubble
Which Man Man lyric is your life motto?
All I want to be is / a shovely bubbly / gobbly goo
Why can't anything be easy? /Why do I always dream / With teeth falling / all over the street?
And if you gotta smash some plates to relax / I say do it / d-d-d-d-d-do it / And if you gotta crash your car in a lake to feel sane / I say do it, just do it / And if you gotta scream until your voice breaks / I say do it / d-d-d-d-d-do it / And if you gotta punch your dad in the face / I say think about it. /Do it.
Catch a tiger by the toe / And when it bites you, don't let go / You bite it back so it knows / That you're wild and you're born on a tightrope
What weather do you like best?
A heavy, fleecy snow that makes everything so still and quiet, I can't think until it melts.
Midnight heat lightning in the late summer. Nobody else is awake. It's like I'm the only person left, alone, finally.
Bright sun and a warm, dry wind that keeps the air fresh. I want my skin to feel so dry that it crackles like papyrus.
Warm, soaking rain with big droplets that refreshes all the plants and kills all the bugs with the audacity to fly, little fuckers.
What is bread?
A surprisingly good survival food, especially slathered in whale blubber.
A reliable vehicle for a reliable poison. So I've heard.
An enigma. How does everything go with bread? Pickles? Chocolate? Unborn chickens? Born chickens that have lived wholesome lives? Slap it on toast and boom, meal. One food should not be so powerful.
A good, warming stick-to-your bones and fill-the-void kind of food.
If you were a tool, which tool would you be?
A garden spade. Wanna dig yourself a deeper hole? I'm your guy.
A ball-peen hammer. I'm a keen problem solver with damn fine bone structure.
A bottle opener. I'm a lil screwy but you love to love me.
A rusty hatchet you picked up from a holiday yard sale in the 7th grade. You forgot about me, but I'm still in your basement. Waiting.
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