Welcome To The Hamptons! Are You A Jared, An Ivanka, A Chuck, Or A Schmidtty?

What The Heck Are You Doing Here, Buddy?

My Wife Told Me To Come?

Where Else Would I Be?

Haha! Right?

Just Fuckin' Lookin' To Shoot Back Some Beers And Fuck Shit Up. I Love You.

Let's Talk Politics!

Please Don't Make Me!

We Have Already Talked And It Was Great To Express Ourselves In A Manner That Was So Important To All Of Us.

Why Talk Politics When We Can Talk Peruvian Pisco Sours? Call me, Schumedog. I live in a rented house with other grown men for much of the year. Isn't that strange?

Let's Talk About Sex Baby, Let's Talk About You And Me, Let's Talk About All the Good Things And The Bad Things That May Be!

July 4th Is A Day Of National Pride, But, As With All Birthdays, It's Important To Also Take Time To Reflect, Right?

Like Mirror Make See Jared When I Am Jared?

Yes. Happy Birthday.

I Pay A Hooker To Piss On Me, And She Goes, "Are You Proud Of Yourself, You Dog" And I Go "Woof Woof!"

Bro Would You See A Movie Called "Escape From Gun Island"? I Just Wrote It. I've Been Texting Jared The Script On The Drive Up.

What's Your Go-To Drink For Today?

Vape-Pen.

Whiskey. Neat. Imagine That. With These Legs? I Am Full of Surprises.

A Congressmen from Kentucky Gave Me An Old Mason Jar That He Said Was "A Limited Batch Of The Finest Bourbon In The World." I Took A Sip And Everyone Laughed At Me, And Said It Was Piss. So I Got This Mason Jar Full of Piss. I'll Share Some of My Piss With You If You Want Though.

Let's Do Shots, I'm Tryin'-a Be ASLEEP By The Time The Fireworks Go Off. That Way They Wake Me Up And I Freak Out. Hopefully Someone Takes Video So I Can Be On Tosh.0. That'd Be So Fuckin' Tight, Bro.

Are You Going To Get Any Work Done Today?

But It's A Holiday! Ugh!

I Work Hard Every Day. Every Day. The Insinuation That I Do Not, Is Insulting. I Will Now Sue You. I Will Sue You And Simply Outspend You So You'll Have To Take A Loss Because You Can't Afford The Legal Fees. Isn't That Something? Aren't I Just Something Else? Wow. It Feels Great To Work Hard For What You Believe In. Give Yourself a Round of Applause.

I'll Probably Try And See If I Wrestle Up Some Funds For A Little Pet Project Of Mine... A Traffic Circle For Dog Walkers! People Are Like "Where?" and "Why?" Haha! Schumedog Does It Again!

Bro When You Sell Molly You're Always On The Clock And Shit You Know?

What Will You Be Doing July 5th?

Probably Wake Up... Grab a Bodega BEC... Shit My Brains Out... And Then Try And "Fix All The Problems"? That's My Job, Right? I Guess I'm Doing A Pretty Good Job... Yeah... Go Jared!

We're Going To Hunt Sen. Chuck Schumer For Sport.

Those Cute Kids Gave Me Some Camping Gear So... I Guess I'll Go Out Into The Woods And See What This Whole "Nature" Thing Is All About?

I'm Gonna Head Down To Jersey And Grab Lunch With My Dad - Chris Christie.

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Welcome To The Hamptons! Are You A Jared, An Ivanka, A Chuck, Or A Schmidtty?

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