DK_QUICK! TEACH THIS MOOSE HOW TO SWIM_04.06.2018
First, how do you greet the moose?
You make eye-contact until the moose greets you.
With a chaotic slur in capslock. It nods.
With a fancy, delicate gesture.
With a tap dance routine from the 1920s.
Now help this poor, incapable land-moose get into the swimming pool:
Gently, ever so gently, you lead it to the water.
Awkward pause. Then the moose just kinda gets in.
Inspired, it tap dances its way into the water.
Teaching by doing – you’re already in the pool.
Easy does it – but don’t let the moose sink!! Teach it how to float:
If it’s worthy – it floats. Human law. Moose law.
In a way, the moose teaches you how to float.
You lay on your back with it until it floats.
Mmm, you could both need some lessons in floating.
MOOSE PANIC – THE MOOSE IS PANICKING. IN THE WATER. Don’t just stand there, calm it:
You want attention – you panic too. It stops.
It stops panicking when you boop it on the nose.
You’ve trained for this moment all your life.
The moose is calm compared to you. Srsly. Chill.
Disaster: averted. Well done. But now it's time to help it practice its first strokes:
I mean. It’s already splashing around?
NP. Your ancestors were all moose instructors.
How to teach a moose to swim” + click search.
Mm. We’ll fast forward past this painful montage.
It’s truly beautiful. Land-moose becomes water-moose. Now teach it the crawl technique:
I will do no such thing. It’s a moose.
It moves as you move. Art. Water. Moose. Dance.
You squiggle around. It learns with a moose-sigh.
The less you teach – the more it learns.
The water-moose looks tenderly at you. This is going amazing. Now, advanced techniques:
Let’s just agree to finish in general.
A tear falls down your cheek – it’s doing it.
You ARE advanced. Easy. Done.
You make everything SEEM advanced tbh.
This has been a... Confusing day. Now it’s time to emotionally let go of the moose:
Sad, but there are plenty of moose in the sea.
The moose reaches in for a kiss... You pull away.
Plot-twist: you are the moose. Mind. Blown.
No no. It’s you and water-moose now. It’s a thing.
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