Which of Henry VIII's wives are you?

How did you meet Henry?

I thought his brother was hot but then he died so Henry was kinda the next best thing

I never really met him... Just his penis

We're third cousins, I see him at family reunions all the time

I knew his first wife if you know what I mean ; )

I'm just really pretty

I'm more important than most people so he actually met me

What is your best quality?

How pretty I am.

I'm really good at bearing *moans* SONS!!!!!!!!

My devout loyalty to my truest love and his long, luscious cock.

Catholicism

My commanding presence. Also not giving a shit.

A lot of people say I'm the mother they never had and I don't know if I should be offended or not but i'll just go with that.

Describe your perfect wedding

A nice private ceremony in Greenwich in mid June Just a few family members celebrating the crippling joy of swearing our lives unto the bible and each other.

A secret ceremony in late fall. It's more intimate that way. But the ceremony doesn't matter. That night we bang all night long. I'm pregnant by tomorrow morning.

A grand ceremony at Whitehall Castle in Late May. That night I am inseminated and while he's asleep I'm performing an ancient ritual to make me birth a son. I'm literally begging.

Something royal. Mid Winter. Nothing frisky that night. I'm above that. Also he's really ugly.

A nice, summer ceremony. I'm even prettier in the summer

Summer in Hampton palace. We can't do it that night because we're cousins

What is your marriage like?

We eat dinner together at night. We are allowed to make contact for 12 minutes each day. Thursday nights, we have unprotected sex in hope of conceiving and male child

Raw, wild, animal sex

I stay in the bedroom all day as the nurses implant me with Henry's semen. I must hang upside down. Please god give me a son.

I ride horses about the property as he sits inside and gets fat all day. After dinner, he tells ME I'm the ugly one. OK buddy.

I'm just really pretty. So pretty that I'm lowkey fucking all the king's servants.

I tend to all of the business he says he's too old to do. The man is 48.

How did you and Henry separate?

I gave birth to 6 of his children but somehow 5 of them died. I was "a disgrace" and then he spent the next 3 years trying to get a divorce. The pope said no. The man created his own church to get away from me.

I had too much sex with my luscious lover and the people started calling me his whore.... Lmao jokes on them I got the highest form of BDSM he literally cut my head off XD

I literally don't know what I did I did everything right I gave birth to a son I was faithful and then I died fucccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

I left the douche

I was too pretty so he cut my head off also I had an affair with his royal adviser sorry not sorry

He.... died. Yeah. That's it. That stab wound came from..... Falling off a cliff. Yep. I'm innocent.

Which of Henry VIII's wives are you?

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