Which Best are You?
First off, pick a Best.
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You feel someone come up behind you and smack you on the back before running off. Stuck to you is:
an entire 800 page joke book. (Don't worry about the logistics of this one.)
a knife.
an open challenge to a rap battle.
instructions for dark magic.
a review of your latest novel.
a baby, superglued by the diaper.
Your hands feel weird. Why?
Ugh...I don't wanna talk about it.
There's blood on them. Huh. Doesn't taste like mine.
Rap battles are all hands, baby, all hands. Mostly words, but all hands.
Wand waving is a pain in the wrist.
Typing. Dear lord. I've been typing for hours...
Carrying this toddler around the mall while my folks watch Finding Dory is exhausting.
Pick an Enemy.
The audience
Max
Emory/Mikayla
The constraints of reality
My own crippling self-doubt
A hyperactive brother
Whoa! You just found out, after all this time, you've been living in:
a Truman Show-like sitcom.
Hell.
the glory of triumph.
a fantasy.
the real world.
blissful agony.
Pick a (current/former) Best friend.
Oliver
Violet
Dan
Mikey
Isaac
Sarah
Drink up!
I'm gonna need a huge scotch to take the edge off of laughing so hard.
The blood of my enemies, of course.
Iced Tea, to sip in the shade.
Felix felicis, duh!
Coffee. Gotta make it through this chapter...
Breast milk. (I don't wanna explain this one.)
What? Gay? Me?
Good joke material! Think of the gay puns! The possibilities!
I'm my own stereotype, bitches!
I must use this to my advantage in my upcoming battle with my archrival. Gays throw shade like nobody else. Channel thy inner power! It's over 9000!!!
Taste the rainbow? Please. I conjure the rainbow.
Maybe. I'll never tell. I like to keep 'em guessing. Watching people squirm is the best part.
Yeah, but that's not the most important part about it. I just want to be person.
Favorite Best pun?
God Best Ye Merry Gentlemen
Virginity Best
Kanye Best
The Wicked Witch of the Best
Best in Piece
I like Best Friend. It's a classic.
Finally, pick a Spotify Playlist.
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