What is your attachment style? For the most accurate results, answer each question as honestly as possible.
When I was a child, I felt a nice amount of emotional nourishment from my parent(s).
Yes
No
I don't remember.
When I was a child, I felt secure in my connection to my parents and in reconnecting after separation.
Yes
No
I don't remember.
I experience flexibility and balance between seeking comfort from connection with others and experiencing comfort when I am alone.
Yes
No
As a child, I experienced my parents as being consistent, safe, and reasonably reliable, which allowed me to have confidence in their love and availability.
Yes
No
I don't remember.
My mother or father has always been there when I needed him/her.
Yes
No
When I was a child, my mother or father was able and willing to provide for my needs.
Yes
No
I don't remember.
When I was a child, I experienced my parent(s) as being able to love me consistently and unconditionally.
Yes
No
I don't remember.
As a child, I felt that my parent(s) tried to understand me, rather than being too demanding that I understand them.
Yes
No
I don't remember.
My parents helped me to feel safe as I was growing up.
Yes
No
I believe my parent(s) were "good enough." (i.e. Responsive enough, reliable enough, attentive enough, warm enough, safe enough)
Yes
No
My parent(s) have/had the capacity for repair when there has been lack of attunement or a disruption in our connection.
Yes
No
I don't remember.
I believe that my parent(s) are/were able to contain my occasional rejection or disconnection with them without withdrawing or retaliating toward me.
Yes
No
I don't remember.
I feel secure in my relationships. I am able to compensate internally for mistakes, lapses in judgment, and disappointments without fearing loss of connection.
Yes
No
I tend to trust others easily, but in a realistic way.
Yes
No
I am able to repair and receive repair attempts from others in relationships.
Yes
No
I am equally comfortable when connected in relationship with others as I am when I'm alone.
Yes
No
As a child, I enjoyed playing alone just as much as I enjoyed being with my parent(s).
Yes
No
I don't remember.
I am open to physical contact in my important relationships.
Yes
No
Unsure
When I was growing up, I felt safe to explore my environment autonomously and then reconnect with my parent(s).
Yes
No
I don't remember.
I am able to reflect on my history with my parent(s) with ease.
Yes
No
My parents did not seem too demanding of me. It felt easy to interact with my parent(s), just as it felt easy to do other activities of my own choosing.
Yes
No
I have generally felt understood by my parents most of the time.
Yes
No
I am able to feel my feelings about my family without being overwhelmed or "derailed" by them.
Yes
No
I prefer the company of animals over people.
Yes
No
I prefer to engage in activities that do not require direct (face-to-face) interaction with other people.
Yes
No
I feel my parent(s) were "not present" with me even when they were present physically.
Yes
No
I don't remember.
I find it difficult to remember an emotionally felt past.
Yes
No
When I think about my past, I mostly remember factual information rather than having a feeling of having personally been there.
Yes
No
My parent(s) were overly negative, hostile, and/or rejecting of me.
Yes
No
I learned to be determined and self-sufficient because no one was available to help me when I was growing up.
Yes
No
I don't have a need for closer relationships because I am self-sufficient and happy in my autonomy.
Yes
No
I feel good about my autonomy and not needing to rely on others.
Yes
No
I'm proud to say that I don't really need reassurance or encouragement from others.
Yes
No
I'm uncomfortable when others try to connect with me or make contact with me.
Yes
No
I actively reject opportunities for connection because I don't want to set myself up for rejection or disappointment.
Yes
No
It is difficult for me to find and rely on others for support.
Yes
No
I'd rather focus on work and/or hobbies than relationships with other people.
Yes
No
Too much contact with others makes me uncomfortable.
Yes
No
Feeling alienated or "like and alien" is a familiar feeling.
Yes
No
I prefer people watching over interacting with people.
Yes
No
I feel more like an observer than a participant in life.
Yes
No
I am always "in my head," consumed by my thoughts, worries, anxieties, etc.
Yes
No
I often feel like I don't belong.
Yes
No
It is easier for me to think than to connect with my emotions.
Yes
No
It is easier for me to think than to feel sensations within my own body.
Yes
No
Most often, I would rather spend time alone than with others.
Yes
No
I have repeating habits of criticizing my partner(s) and sabotaging relationships with those who could be a source of real love and nurturing.
Yes
No
I feel like I am always yearning for someone or something.
Yes
No
It seems like what I want is just out of reach. I feel like I seldom get what I am truly wanting.
Yes
No
I take what is given to me rather than asking for what I really want.
Yes
No
It is difficult to identify and ask for what I truly want.
Yes
No
I feel chronically anxious, fretful, or worried about my connection with others long after a conversation has ended.
Yes
No
I often second-guess myself or wish I had said something differently.
Yes
No
I often wonder if anyone will ever see the real me.
Yes
No
I am preoccupied with what others think about me or if they value me.
Yes
No
I usually give more in relationships than I receive. I wish others would reciprocate more often.
Yes
No
I find myself doing favors in hopes that others will respond to me, reciprocate, or like me more.
Yes
No
When relationships do not feel reciprocal, I find myself feeling resentful or harboring a grudge.
Yes
No
I am more prone to feeling sorry for myself when there is a problem rather than taking effective action to solve it.
Yes
No
I tend to "merge" with my partners or friends and feel what they feel or want what they want.
Yes
No
It is difficult for me to be alone.
Yes
No
It is difficult for me to ask for what I want or need because I fear my request may upset whomever I am with.
Yes
No
Others seem to get more acknowledgement, more recognition, or are more popular than me.
Yes
No
I do favors for others with the secret hope that it will obligate them to me or insure me against abandonment.
Yes
No
I have a deep desire to be close with others along with a paralyzing fear of losing love or the relationship.
Yes
No
I have constant thoughts about how to keep relationships or fear of losing relationships.
Yes
No
When another is truly available, I become unavailable.
Yes
No
It is difficult for me to trust others to be reliable, consistent, and safe.
Yes
No
It is difficult for me to receive genuine love when that love or caring is available to me authentically.
Yes
No
I often wonder if I am lovable enough.
Yes
No
I somewhat expect my partner to abandon me or I make up fantasies of how my partner may be betraying me or leaving me.
Yes
No
When love happens, I negate it by deciding it is too good to be true. I expect "the other shoe to drop" at any time.
Yes
No
I have been told that I don't seem able to receive my partner's love.
Yes
No
I need a lot of reassurance about the reliability or trustworthiness of my significant relationships.
Yes
No
I tend to focus more on the needs of others than on my own needs.
Yes
No
I tend to lose myself when I am in a relationship.
Yes
No
I reject or hate my needs.
Yes
No
I tend to look to others to help me meet my needs.
Yes
No
I idealize others. (They seem to have it together so much better than I do.)
Yes
No
I accommodate others' needs before my own.
Yes
No
I secretly feel angry or resentful that I give more than I get.
Yes
No
When I was a child, my parent(s) were "on again/off again." It was hard to predict if they were going to be warm and loving or completely disengaged/disinterested in me.
Yes
No
I don't remember.
I tend to over-accommodate or over-apologize in relation to others.
Yes
No
I have trouble taking good care of myself.
Yes
No
I mostly rely on others to feel good.
Yes
No
I can be passive-aggressive in order to get what I want in my relationships.
Yes
No
I find myself ready to apologize or take responsibility for things I did not do.
Yes
No
I feel like I am endlessly in a cycle of frustration or despair.
Yes
No
I want to be close with my partner but feel angry or resentful at him/her at the same time.
Yes
No
I tend to send mixed messages such as taking my partner out for a romantic dinner and then picking a fight with him/her.
Yes
No
I focus on my partner's needs so much that I find it difficult to maintain a sense of my own autonomy in the world.
Yes
No
When I was growing up, the only way I could get my parent(s) attention was to show exaggerated distress.
Yes
No
I don't remember.
I feel like to need to show excessive or dramatic reactions in order to get my partner's attention.
Yes
No
When I was growing up, I often feared one or both of my parents.
Yes
No
When I was growing up, I often felt overwhelmed by a chaotic parent.
Yes
No
When I was younger, I found myself parenting my parent(s) in order to calm him/her down.
Yes
No
I don't remember.
I find that I need to be in control in my relationships in order to feel safe and/or satisfied.
Yes
No
I tend to override or ignore my instinctive self-protective responses when possible danger is present.
Yes
No
I am easily disoriented or confused.
Yes
No
I have trouble saying no when needed.
Yes
No
I think it is best to forget about my childhood. It's over and I'm moving on.
Yes
No
More often than not, I find myself expecting catastrohic outcomes.
Yes
No
Was/were your parent(s) often frightened or dissociated?
Yes
No
I'm not sure.
When you were growing up, did you try to control your parents?
Yes
No
I don't know.
My partners comment or complain that I am controlling in the relationship.
Yes
No
I often feel fearful in my relationships
Yes
No
I often feel stumped by problems and feel they are unresolvable.
Yes
No
I have an exaggerated startle response when others approach me unexpectedly.
Yes
No
I expect the worst to happen in relationships.
Yes
No
I tend to dissociate (space out) easily.
Yes
No
I want closeness in my relationships, but I'm often afraid of those I desire to be close with.
Yes
No
I sometimes feel paralyzed in relationships.
Yes
No
Sometimes I feel frozen with fear in my relationships.
Yes
No
It is difficult for me to think clearly.
Yes
No
It is difficult for me to be clear about my feelings.
Yes
No
I feel disconnected from my body and have trouble feeling sensations in my body.
Yes
No
I have trouble setting boundaries in my relationships with others.
Yes
No
It is difficult for me to reflect on or talk about my past.
Yes
No
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