П Sino Quiz 🐼

By Jiaqi Kang, Issue #4 "ACROSS 岸" (April 2017)
🐼 Diaspora Authenticity Test 🐼
As a member of the diaspora, you will know that everyone else around you—whether its your parents' friends, your foreign classmates, or Xi Jinping himself—is perfectly entitled to judge you by your Diasporic Authenticity®. It is their inherent right to nitpick every aspect of your personality and determine your identity on your behalf! Are you a banana? Are you a mango? Are you too foreign? Are you too Sino? Are you Anastasia Lin or Wang Leehom? We got in touch with the Sino Diaspora Authenticity Police in Xi'an to see if they could send us their official Diaspora Authenticity Test. Take it to find out how close to the Motherland you still are!
By Jiaqi Kang, Issue #4 "ACROSS 岸" (April 2017)
🐼 Diaspora Authenticity Test 🐼
As a member of the diaspora, you will know that everyone else around you—whether its your parents' friends, your foreign classmates, or Xi Jinping himself—is perfectly entitled to judge you by your Diasporic Authenticity®. It is their inherent right to nitpick every aspect of your personality and determine your identity on your behalf! Are you a banana? Are you a mango? Are you too foreign? Are you too Sino? Are you Anastasia Lin or Wang Leehom? We got in touch with the Sino Diaspora Authenticity Police in Xi'an to see if they could send us their official Diaspora Authenticity Test. Take it to find out how close to the Motherland you still are!
How do you take your water?
Ice cold.
Straight from the tap, normally. Warm, if I'm unwell.
Scalding hot. I haven't felt my tongue since I was 11.
What did you think of Farewell My Concubine?
Dieyi is a woman. I don't care what Chen Kaige says. Auteur theory isn't real. He didn't even make up the story, he adapted it from a book. What does he care about the gender aspect, anyway? He was just trying to express his personal trauma about betraying his father during the Cultural Revolution. Listen: follow the phallic objects. Dieyi was symbolically castrated and symbolically assaulted. He may never have realised it himself because he was repressing his identity so much, but I know this, and many people agree with me. "The truth is both simpler and more complicated than that: [Dieyi] is a man who sleeps with men because he is a woman." — Adam Mars-Jones for The Independent, 1994.
Dieyi is a gay man. We should listen to Chen Kaige. He is the director, after all. Also, I love Gong Li. She's great!
Poor Dieyi. He killed himself because he suffered so much his whole life. He just wanted to preserve the pure Chinese culture through his opera performances. He would've loved performing at the CCTV Lunar New Year Gala.
How do you watch your Sino movies?
With English subtitles like the white devil I am.
I don't really need subtitles, but it's nice to have them, so I can learn some Chinese words whilst listening. Simplified or traditional are both fine.
I don't even need sound. I can perfectly lip-read what the characters are saying.
Where were you born?
Outside of China.
In China, but I moved when I was quite young.
In Tiananmen Square. I didn't cry when I exited the womb. I already knew perfect Mandarin and could recite the San Zi Jing.
How many seasons of the Voice of China have you seen?
Oh, I've only seen clips on Youtube and stuff.
I saw season one in full. I watched a bit of the others but didn't get as invested. It hasn't been the same since Hua Shao stopped hosting.
I watched them all online in real time. I know all the words to all the songs, but my favorite candidate was Ping An from season one.
What do you think about Bao Bao, the American-born panda who was recently sent home to live in China and can't adapt to her new environment?
I am Bao Bao.
Aww, cute panda!
Bao Bao needs to toughen up and learn to embrace her homeland. What a weakling.
What brand is your phone?
Samsung (to facilitate collaboration with the Korean enemy)
Apple (in honor of Foxconn workers)
Huawei or the highway.
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