ATTACHMENT STYLE

Previous partners have described me as:

Full-on

Chaotic

Distant

Chilled

As a child, I was:

Keen to socialise and be around others but would get scared when put in social situations

Nervous around others, and hated when my parent/ caregiver would leave

Independent and curious, I liked being left to my own devices

Happy, social, and confident in the presence of others, with & without my parent/ caregiver

When I was upset as a child, my parent/ caregiver would:

Sometimes soothe me, but other times wouldn’t be available or interested in me

Ignore me and leave me to get over it by myself

Be patient, understanding, and loving

Get frustrated and sometimes angry with me

My biggest fear when it comes to relationships:

Someone depending on me – I don’t want to be responsible for another person’s feelings

Ending up alone

Being cheated on and/or lied to

Losing sight of who I am

When someone shows interest in me:

My inner voice immediately questions their motive

I feel flattered and keep an open mind as to whether they’re of interest to me

I give them all my attention and prove to them what a catch I am

It boosts my ego but too much attention annoys me

How do you feel about communicating your emotions?

Emotions are for emotional people – I am not one of them

I don’t like to talk about my feelings in case they'll be used against me

I feel safe and comfortable expressing my feelings & opening up to others

I tend to overshare my feelings because I like to get feedback

Meeting needs in a relationship - which one describes you best:

I need constant reassurance in the form of affirmations to validate my worth. Anything my partner needs, I will do it

I don’t need anything from anyone so I struggle to meet the needs of others because I can’t relate

I’m confident in myself and don’t look to others to fulfil me. I’m happy to meet the needs of others providing it doesn’t compromise my own happiness

If someone makes me feel safe and secure, I’m willing to adhere to their own needs

In general, how is your mental state?

I am at peace with myself and rarely face internal conflict

I hide it well, but I constantly second guess myself, and battle with feeling worthy vs worthless on a daily basis

I feel pretty insecure, and compare myself with other people a lot of the time

Fine, I don’t really give it much thought

When dating someone new, I:

Blow hot and cold – I can’t let the other person know where they stand with me

Have an open mind but never over-invest. I like to go with the flow

Tend to get obsessed quickly and pin a lot of hope on them being a potential match

I’m more of the casual hook-up type. If I date, it’s not for love

You’ve been asked out on a third date and they suggest getting a hotel. What’s your response?

You’re up for it – this is what you’ve been waiting for

You want to see them but you’ve already seen them twice this week and it feels like a lot, so you say no

You politely decline and suggest a different setting

It feels a bit soon but you don’t want to seem difficult, so you go anyway

You’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks and it’s going well but there’s no label. Do you?

Ask where this is going and hint that you want to make things more official

Let things play out and don’t put pressure on the situation, it’s still early days

Avoid having the “what are we?” conversation at all costs

Start acting up and playing a few games to test how much they really like you

On small talk and getting to know someone:

I love connecting with new people, but don’t give too much away before I really know them

I’m private and protective over my life. I feel suffocated when people ask me questions as it feels like they're prying

I love two-way conversations and making others feel comfortable in my presence

I'm extremely friendly and forthcoming because I want to find common ground with new people I meet

You’ve been hooking up with someone for a month and don’t hear from them in 24 hours. What’s your response?

No biggie, we don’t message everyday anyway

Go into fight or flight mode and come up with the worst-case scenario i.e., they’ve met someone else, or they got into an accident

They’re probably busy at work, or with other commitments, they’ll message me when they can

I won’t respond to them for 25 hours, just to prove a point

How do you communicate love to others?

I love giving gifts, telling others how much I love them, and doing the most to show my appreciation

I don’t, in fact I feel awkward when people try to tell me they love me

I invest time & energy into those I love but don’t feel the need to constantly tell them. My actions speak for me

I give a lot of mixed signals - I want to know someone is invested in me before I invest in them

When it comes to trust:

I want to trust people, but my intuition tells me not to

I find it difficult to put my trust in others and automatically assume the worst

It’s much easier not to trust others, saves you from disappointment

I am open and trusting, often giving others the benefit of the doubt

You sense that someone is losing interest in you. How do you act?

My natural instinct is to go above and beyond to change their mind

I will get in there first and end things with them before they can

I know my worth, if someone else can’t see it, I’m not going to force things

Let them go, I’m better alone anyway

When someone does something that annoys or upsets you, how do you respond?

I express my feelings to them and make my boundaries clear

I hold a grudge and hurt them back so they wish they’d never hurt me in the first place

Passive-aggressively. I want them to know how I feel but am too scared to say it in case it causes an issue

I tell them to leave me alone and not speak to me for a while

Your partner opens up to you about a personal struggle they are facing. Do you?

Listen, affirm how they feel, and help them come up with a solution

Fuss over them whilst also bringing up a relatable story of your own

Find it hard to listen or pay attention to what they’re saying because you’re not that bothered

Want to help them but aren’t sure that you can be of any use

Your partner tells you they’re going away with friends for the weekend. How do you feel?

Upset: It’s second nature for me to worry about my partner and what they get up to when they’re away from me. I will need constant communication and updates whilst they’re gone

Happy: I’m looking forward to some alone time, constantly being with someone is tiring

Secretly enraged: I hate the thought of them going away without me & am terrified of them doing something to hurt me. I immediately look at making my own plans to go away that same weekend

Fine: Space is healthy, I will miss them but hope they have a great time

You’ve had an argument with your partner. You:

Push them away and give the silent treatment until you’ve calmed down

Over-apologise and bombard them with messages to make sure they're not angry with you

Act vindictively and make the situation worse by dramatising it to your friends

Take a breather, make sense of the situation, and take accountability for your part

Select the statement that best describes you:

It’s very common for me to operate in extremes with people – I’m either all in, or all out

I'm non-committal, and don’t like making promises to others because I rarely keep them

I crave love and am looking for someone to complete me

I don’t need a relationship, but love is beautiful, and everyone should experience it

When someone criticises me or points out my flaws, I:

Get extremely annoyed and defensive

Digest what they’re telling me and think of ways in which I can improve

Take it personally & dwell on it

Point out theirs straight back without thinking too much about what they said

Alone time – how do you feel about it?

Time by myself is necessary, it’s not healthy to spend every moment with someone else

I don’t really like to be alone and would rather do everything with my partner

I like to be alone but not for too long as I’m comforted by company

Alone time is a non-negotiable for me, I can’t stand when others try to encroach on my need for space

Select the statement that best describes you:

I want what I want in a relationship, and I will not compromise

There’s never a dull moment with me, I live for the drama in relationships

I've never questioned whether I’m worthy of a healthy and loving relationship; we all are

I put the needs of others before my own and am often left feeling upset by the way people treat me