What Squash Are You?

You're at a fall fair. What activity are you rocking with?

Hayride but like a "funny haha middle America" hayride not a "scared shitless in a field" hayride

Consuming so much apple cider that you become a C-list Marvel superhero "Ciderella"

Bobbing for apples but accidentally waterboarding yourself in the process

Riding a hastily constructed flying saucer ride operated by meth-addicted 17 year olds

Visiting the Firefighter's Fund for Child Burn Victims Haunted House

Bee-lining for the petting zoo so you can test out your goat impression

In your opinion, which of the following meet the criteria for being classified as "squash?"

It's movie night. What are you watching?

Scream VI: I would die for Jenna Ortega

The Little Mermaid (live action, 2023): all my problems would be solved if I had fins and everyone has to deal with the consequences

Barbie Fairytopia Magic of the Rainbow: My little sister broke the Barbie Mermaidia dvd so this was our second choice.

Pulp Fiction: Idk I was on a date with some douchey guy wanted to introduce me to "true cinema" and here we are.

Roman Holiday: dreaming of true love and black and white vespa-riding montages

I don't have a tv. Or electricity. Or a house. I am a vegetable

In your lumberjack fantasy, what plaid would your ideal man be wearing to chop down pines in the woods of New Hampshire?

What Durham breakfast spot/ coffee shop has your heart?

Starbucks pickup: Coffee: $6. Not speaking to anyone: priceless.

Monuts: I love you in spite of your shitty wifi.

Mad Hatters: I may see every undergrad I know but I shall overcome.

Cloche Coffee: she's my long distance low commitment live in girlfriend who I can only see for 1 hour at a time

Guglhupf: I can't say it but their baked goods >>>

Grub: we forgive you for the Darwin Day party

YES/NO: "Squash" can also function as a verb. Example: "Polar is squashing. He's doing rabbit feet again."

YES: People and dogs can fall in and out of squash. Since they're not squash all of the time, it's important to distinguish when they are actively squashing.

NO: If I have to hear the word squash one more time, I'm going to scream.

I've gone decades without understanding the difference between an adjective and a verb, and I don't intend to start now.

What Fall 2023 lab scandal lives rent free in your brain?

J-Gate

Emily walking in on Brian's Netflix makeup-- "I am shaken to my core"

Airport superspreader event

L's Oscar-winning dramatic performance in the motion picture "Backache"

Gabrielle Bunnell, Fulbright Scholar

Someone thinking the DPK puppies gave them rabies

What Squash Are You?

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