5. QUICK! TEACH THIS MOOSE HOW TO SWIM And we’ll reveal your style of flirting.
First, how do you greet the moose?
You make eye-contact until the moose greets you.
With a fancy, delicate gesture.
With a tap dance routine from the 1920s.
With a chaotic slur in capslock. It nods.
Now help this poor, incapable land-moose get into the swimming pool:
Awkward pause. Then the moose just kinda gets in.
Gently, ever so gently, you lead it to the water.
Inspired, it tap dances its way into the water.
Teaching by doing – you’re already in the pool.
Easy does it – but don’t let the moose sink!! Teach it how to float:
If it’s worthy – it floats. Human law. Moose law.
You lay on your back with it until it floats.
In a way, the moose teaches you how to float.
Mmm, you could both need some lessons in floating.
MOOSE PANIC – THE MOOSE IS PANICKING.
IN THE WATER. Don’t just stand there, calm it:
IN THE WATER. Don’t just stand there, calm it:
You want attention – you panic too. It stops.
You’ve trained for this moment all your life.
It stops panicking when you boop it on the nose.
The moose is calm compared to you. Srsly. Chill.
Disaster: averted. Well done. But now it's time
to help it practice its first strokes:
to help it practice its first strokes:
I mean. It’s already splashing around?
NP. Your ancestors were all moose instructors.
�How to teach a moose to swim” + click search.
Mm. We’ll fast forward past this painful montage.
It’s truly beautiful. Land-moose becomes water-moose. Now teach it the crawl technique:
I will do no such thing. It’s a moose.
It moves as you move. Art. Water. Moose. Dance.
You squiggle around. It learns with a moose-sigh.
The less you teach – the more it learns.
The water-moose looks tenderly at you. This is
going amazing. Now, advanced techniques:
going amazing. Now, advanced techniques:
Let’s just agree to finish in general.
A tear falls down your cheek – it’s doing it.
You ARE advanced. Easy. Done.
You make everything SEEM advanced tbh.
This has been a... Confusing day. Now it’s time
to emotionally let go of the moose:
to emotionally let go of the moose:
The moose reaches in for a kiss... You pull away.
Sad, but there are plenty of moose in the sea.
Plot-twist: you are the moose. Mind. Blown.
No no. It’s you and water-moose now. It’s a thing.
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