Which AETHYR Character are you?

You have the opportunity to upload your mind to a computer! What's your primary motivation?

I'm sick; without physical organs, "sickness" cannot exist.

I want to eradicate suffering from the human condition.

Flesh-and-blood humans make my head hurt.

I want to be a god.

The "real" world is a depressing slog; I want to be able to write my own new reality.

There is no more worthwhile scientific pursuit than the advancement, and ultimately transcendence, of the human experience.

PARTY TIME FOREVER BABY!!!

Because enlightenment ain't just for hippies :)

Does the "soul" exist?

Perhaps, but most people seem not to have one.

Yes, and it transcends the body and goes to heaven (or hell) when the body dies.

It's all just energy; it transcends the body, but in a changed form.

Semantics. What most call a "soul" is merely a phenomenon emergent from the mind (which itself is emergent from the brain).

It's just another name for "life force;" it dies with the body. Immortality is only possible through replication of the mind.

Yes, and it can be had for the right price/promise.

Yes, but to assume it's unique to humans is fallacious. AI are people, too.

Whatevs.

God is...

The Heavenly Father, the Almighty, the maker of heaven and earth

Another name for the whole of universal consciousness

What I aspire to become

Bullshit

Bruce Dickinson

What I feel like when I'm plugged into a brain-computer interface

Something I scream during sex

One of many

We all make mistakes in life. Which one of these resembles your worst boo-boo the best?

I trusted someone else to take care of my loved one, and they betrayed me horrifically.

I got into an argument with my father, and stubbornly refused to apologize/make amends.

I turned my back on my family.

I made an error in my work and it had disastrous consequences.

I invested a significant amount of money into something without vetting it first, and got massively burned.

I got involved with something that sounded great, but never considered the ramifications until it was too late.

I played a wrong note on my guitar and totally messed up a great song.

I kinda...erm...killed someone.

What is your philosophy on beards?

BEARDS ARE AWESOME!!!!

Ugh, I couldn't grow a beard even if I tried. Damned genetics...

Eh, I prefer a good goatee.

...I'm a woman. How the crap am I supposed to have a beard, even if I wanted one?

I'm a woman, and I like a man with a beard.

Just don't stroke it and get dandruff everywhere...

Facial hair is for lesser-order primates.

Is it pink?

Cats.

OMG I LOVE CATS!!! CATS ARE THE GREATEST THING EVER!!!

I love cats...but my allergies don't :(

I am a cat.

Cats > people.

Schrodinger's cat and I have much in common.

There are no "cats," because physical reality is all illusion. What your eyes perceive as a "cat" is, in fact, not really there but in your mind.

Pfft, give me a good dog any day.

Cats? Cats? CATS?!?!?!!! We're on the verge of the most profound breakthrough in the history of humanity, and all you can think about are CATS?!?!?!

All right, let's get filthy and talk about SEX!!! Which statement best describes you in the sheets?

My relationships have been fairly straightforward and conservative so far. Open to trying something new.

Virtual sex is every bit as fulfilling as physical sex; with the right neurostimulators, it could even be better!

My ancestors practiced incest; hypothetically, if my sibling had the right appeal, I'd be open to the concept.

CHOKE ME DADDY!!!

Apropos of biological sex, gender, and so on, I am an equal-opportunity lover.

Sex is a means to a hedonistic end. Yeah, it's fun and all, but when it's over, leave me alone.

My spouse and I respect each other immensely...even if we shag like wild beasts.

I have a cybernetic penis.

How would you describe yourself?

I'm a dork.

Nothing special...kinda your everyman/everywoman.

I'm smarter than most people.

Look, it's not that I don't like other people. I do. I can only take them in small doses.

Most people are worthless and will never amount to anything. I'm not one of those people.

"Eccentric" is my middle name. (Well, not literally, but you know what I mean.)

ALL THE PRETTY COLORS!!!

There are two sides of me: the one you see at work, and the undeniably awesome specimen you rock out with.

If your life were a movie, it would be...

Campy, gnarly, and full of gratuitous sex and gore

Anime

Directed by Denis Villeneuve

...I dunno; my life's a clusterfuck, so probably one of those cheap, poorly-acted sci-fi flicks that pop up on Netflix every so often

The Matrix

The one where you think the brilliant scientist is a classic megalomaniac but where he ends up being the hero who saves the world

A Shakespearean tragedy...you know, the kind where the actors actually speak in Shakespearean English and it sounds hilariously maladroit

Full of pop-up ads for my numerous ventures

Grudges are bad, but we all have a tendency to hold onto them sometimes, despite our better judgment. Whose slights have you still not yet forgiven?

My father

Myself

Andrew Johnson, seventeenth President of the United States of America

No one. I have many vices, but holding onto the past is not one of them. I'm awesome like that.

My ex

The bus that fell on Cliff Burton

Bioconservatives

My idiot friend who ruined everything

Vacation time! Which one of these would you choose to visit?

A cabin in the woods

A glacier in Iceland

Florence, Italy

New York, New York!

My bedroom, with a large supply of video games

Anywhere there aren't a lot of people

Nowhere. Vacation is a waste of time that could be used for productivity.

Anywhere there's good kayaking

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Lots!

Hmm, I'm gonna say not much; those paws are fairly small.

Well, seeing how the only woodchucks I ever see are splattered on the road, I'm gonna say none.

There is no woodchuck, and the wood is a delusion of the mortal mind.

In physical reality, the amount would be limited by the size of the woodchuck's teeth and claws; however, in a virtual reality, these physical barriers would be removed, so the answer would be an infinite amount of wood.

If you keep asking stupid questions like that, I'm gonna chuck your wood at the woodchuck.

Too many variables missing to accurately answer this question: How much time is allotted? What species of wood, its age, toughness, etc.? Are we dealing with an adult woodchuck or a pup? You need to be thinking about these things; nothing is as straightforward as it seems.

The real question is: do woodchucks experience irritable bowel syndrome? Those wood shavings would probably chafe the intestines...

If you were a player on a football team (gridiron football, a.k.a. American football, not that soccer stuff), what position would you play and why?

Quarterback, because I'm the one with the master plan, the one responsible for my team's success.

Defensive back, because they have to have a high IQ to be good at what they do, and I'm the smartest one on the team.

Offensive line, because I'm a physical monster and I take protecting my teammates very seriously.

Wide receiver, because I like to have all eyes on me.

Linebacker. I like to hit hard!

Running back. I take what's given to me and run with it.

Kicker, but only because I'm too small to play anything else (and I'll kick you if you make me mad).

Long snapper. The one nobody ever thinks about. And I'm just fine with that, thanks.

Outrage! Someone has disagreed with you on Twitter! How do you respond to this ghastly affront?

Calmly, rationally outline in precise detail and with cited evidence why I am superior to them in every way, and leave it at that. If they try to argue further, smugly laugh to myself and drink in their tears of insecurity.

Calmly, rationally outline in precise detail and with cited evidence why they should do the world a favor and lie down on some railroad tracks. Busy ones.

Shrug it off. It's just social media, man!

Argue them into submission! This blasphemy cannot be tolerated.

Get pissed off at them for interrupting my video gaming session.

Pay someone to hack their account and post incriminating photos on their feed and have them jailed for life.

Fuck with them until they get so frustrated that they give up, then pat myself on the back for being the better person.

Twitter? Really? That shit's for thirteen-year-olds.

Which statement best describes your thoughts on memory?

Memories are an integral part of who we are. If we lose them, we lose a vital piece of ourselves.

Most of my memories were made when I was too drunk to remember them.

I'd be just as happy forgetting most of my memories.

I can't remember what happened thirty seconds ago, but I still have vivid memories of stupid things from decades ago. Go figure.

Computer memory?

I wish I could remember things as they truly were, not as the constructs my mind builds for me.

I want to be able to alter my memories so that I can remember myself as the god Osiris.

Good subject matter for progressive rock lyrics.

It's your birthday! What would you like me to get you for a present?

An automatic tape-collecting lathe ultramicrotome. (And if you don't know what that is, we probably aren't friends.)

Who cares? Let's just get drunk and dance naked!

Video games!

Admission to an art gallery displaying my own work, and an elite host to shower me with praise.

Boston Celtics tickets.

Take me out to dinner. I'm having the stuffed grape leaves and lahmajoon. And pistachio cheesecake for dessert. Lots of pistachio cheesecake.

Screw presents; my bestie and I are going into the woods and getting dirty! (Dirty, as in, covered in dirt, not sexually dirty.)

The greatest gift you could possibly get me: the gift of you not being an asshole for once in your life.

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