Prison Mike Quiz
I’m prison Mike! You know why they call me prison Mike?!
Do you really expect us to believe you’re somebody else?
Why do they call you prison Mike?
Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall,
Bitch?!
Beeyotch?!
All right, hey, hey, hey, hey, that’s just the way we talk in the clink. Been a lot of fun talk about prison today, but I am here to scare you straight. I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIIIGHT!! In prison you are somebody’s bitch. Oh, and you.
You, my friend, would be the belle of the ball. Don’t drop the soap! Don’t drop the soap!
You, Ryan, would be the belle of the ball. Don’t drop the soap! Don’t drop the soap!
You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. Don’t drop the soap! Don’t drop the soap!
Where… did you learn all of this?
Prison.
Internet.
So, not prison.
And prison.
Just prison.
Eh, fifty-fifty, both.
Eh, fifty-fifty, both. Look, prison stinks, is what I’m saying. It’s not like you can go home, and, recharge your batteries, and come back in the morning and, be with your friends, having fun in the office.
What’d you do, Prison Mike?
What did you do, Prison Mike?
I stole. … And I robbed. And I kidnapped… the… president’s son.
And held him for ransom.
And I never got caught, neither.
That is… quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.
And I never got caught, neither.
And I nevah got caught, neither.
Prison Mike? What was the food like in prison?
Gruel.
Great.
Gruel. Sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel.
Plus, you eat your own hair.
Plus, you can eat your own hair.
Prison Mike. What’s the very very worst thing about prison?
The worst thing about prison was the… was the Dementors.
The worst thing about prison was the… was the Guards.
They… were flying all over the place, and they were scary. And they’d come down, and they’d suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt!
Wow. Prison sounds horrible.
Dementors like in Harry Potter?
No, not Harry Potter. … There are no movies in prison.
True
False
This is my point! You guys got it soft, and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who… have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves! Nobody is nobody’s bitch.
I hope that this helped you.
I hope that this scared you.
And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me. Letting me be a part of your life today.
Cause you got a good life! YOu got a good life. A good life.
Cause you got a great life! YOu got a great life. A great life.
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