Who is your '90s Crush? (Presented by Only 90s Kids Understand Things)

Who/what are you attracted to?
Men
Women
Both
Other
What do you look most for in a man?
Kind
Tall
Well hung
Smells like fresh flowers
What do you look for most in a woman?
Personality
Smile
Purple eyes
Large muscles
What do you look for most in a partner?
Inanimate
Quick to anger
Good personality
Condescending to your parent(s)
Are you nostalgic for Hamburger Cop sketch from All That?
Yeah, that sketch was really funny!
Yeah, that sketch is very emotional for me!
Hell yes, hamburgers are great!
Only if everyone else is nostalgic for it
How many teeth would you like your lover to have?
10
15
20
90
Did the '90s mean a lot to you?
Yes
Yes!
Do you not believe in exclamation marks in regards to your love of the '90s?
What?!
!!
What is the sexiest part of the human body?
Legs
Ears
Sphincter
Kneecap
What is the ideal height for your lover?
4'4"
5'7"
8'6"
Height is just a human construct. I'm a free thinker.
Do you prefer long hair or feathers?
Yes?
...no?
Irreverence or irrelevance?
Irreverence
Irrelevance
Andrew Dice Clay (Both)
What was your favorite subject in preschool?
Finger painting
Naptime
Toy sharing hour
Calculus
Arr yewe smrt?
Ys I yam
Noweigh. Me doomy.
What was your favorite type of '90s program?
Porn
OJ Simpson trial
Sit-com
If you were a porno actor/actress, what would be closest to your name?
Flopper
Nipplando
Dildington the great
Beggin strip
Is OJ Simpson innocent?
Yes
No, I'm Kato Kaelin and I saw it all!
What's the best '90s sit-com?
Lizzie McGuire
Do you smile a lot?
When I see something funny
Only during masturbation
Don't fucking tell me to smile bitch!
I have to show off my veneers somehow!
Who is your favorite Baldwin brother?
Alec
Stephen
Daniel
Dickie
Is Santa Claus real?
Real fat!
Real stupid!
Tim Allen
No
What age did you have your first crush?
Fetus - 2 months
2 months - 40 years
40 years - 85 years
I'm on my deathbed and I've never had a crush on anyone
Fat or skinny?
Tall
Short
On a scale of 1 - 10 how excited are you to end this quiz?
1 - 4
5 - 7
7.125 - 8.645
8.646 - 10
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