Can I tell you my one thing about goats?

First of all, are you mentally prepared to learn my one thing about goats?

Yes. My brain is thick enough to receive your lonely fact about the goat.

I regret to inform you that my mind is not ready to learn your one thing about goats. I deeply believe with all my heart and soul that learning your one thing about goats will blast my brain into diarrhea, thus causing me to become insane and to commit murder and assorted fire-crimes

My brain is good, but my body is a baffling cataclysm. My bones are outside of my meat and all four of my limbs merge at a single point above my head. This isn’t relevant to your one thing about goats, but I thought I would share.

No, no, no. I cannot learn a thing about a goat today. I need goats to remain a riddle to me. Please become quiet now.

OMG! This one thing I know about this farmland creature is totes ma goats amazing. You’re going to love it.

For the love of Christ, please tell me your one thing about goats right now. I cannot wait a time longer.

No! I can’t know anything about goats! I want to be able to look at a goat and say, “What in God’s name is happening here?”

My thing about goats is only fit for the pure of heart. Is your soul pure, or have you done a sin?

My soul is pure. I have done only baby-deeds and angel-tactics for my entire life. I have the sort of soul that is worthy of knowing your one thing about goats.

I’m a messed-up kind of person, and I’ve done all kinds of sins and rotten deeds. My list of horrible crimes includes “Deluxe Puberty,” “Lazarus Handshake,” and “Cat Business.” I regret to inform you that I am not worthy of learning your one thing about goats.

My soul is currently pure, but tomorrow I plan to commit the following sin: “Making A Disaster Happen To A Cat.”

I am good and bad. My life has been a salad of kindness and sin, and when I die, God is going to kiss my thighs and rip me in half at the same time. But it doesn’t matter. Please just keep your amazing true fact about goats locked deep within your skin barrier of your body.

Can you promise me that after I tell you my one thing about goats, you will let me kill you so that this amazing thing about goats will remain a secret between you and me?

Yes. Once I learn your one thing about goats, you need to put me in the grave ASAP. You will have to send your goons to my treehouse to make pretzel shapes of my bones. I’m excited to get killed while knowing a solitary factoid about goats.

You must not attempt to kill me. It would be incredibly inconvenient for me to die at this present time since I am currently planning a glamorous vacation to a statue.

Please do not tell me your one thing about goats, but please kill me anyway.

If I’m going to tell you my one thing about goats, you’re going to have to tell me something in return. What fabulous thing will you tell me in exchange for my one thing about goats?

If you tell me your one thing about goats, I will tell you my secret about my secret about a secret kiss I had with a secret person.

If you tell me your one thing about goats, I will tell you my secret about a hidden object I created and store within my trousers.

If you tell me your one thing about goats, I will tell you nothing in return. I will simply say, “Okay, now I know the thing,” and then I will go look at a goat and say, “I understand certain parts of what’s going on here.”

Please. I am begging you for the last time. Keep your knowledge about goats away from my ears and my brain. My greatest joy in all of life is to point at a goat and say, “It’s a puzzle.” If I learn your one thing about goats, then that joy will be gone from my world, and I will weep and do a smell. Please have mercy on me.

Is this you?

No, that is not me.

Yes, that is me, I am a gorilla who fell into the habitat cage of a young boy, I was shot and I live in heaven now with Jesus Christ and his father, God.

It is my father

It is my wife

Are you ready to see if you can learn my one thing about a ruminant called the goat.

For fucks sake, yes! Please! I cannot wait even one second longer to recieve this knowledge about a goat!

No. I hate this. I hate myself.

Can I tell you my one thing about goats?

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