What Kind of Ally Are You?
Scenario: You see that a troll has tweeted to a member of the group you’re allied to. You follow this person but don’t know them very well. You do know that this person would find the comment extremely offensive, and you figure based on the tweet that the troll is of the same privileged identity as you. What do you do? (Pick one.)
Expose the troll by re-tweeting the comment and calling them out.
Call out the troll by responding to their tweet.
Call out the troll by responding to their tweet, making sure the recipient of the offensive comment is included in the conversation so they know someone is standing up for them.
Do nothing; don’t feed the trolls.
Do nothing because I don’t want to start any conflict.
Do nothing because #FreeSpeechMatters.
It depends on whether I found the comment offensive.
Tweet the recipient of the offensive comment, expressing frustration at how annoying White people / straight people / men / etc. are.
Which of these do you like most about being an ally? (Pick one.)
Listening and learning from people in marginalized groups.
The drama and excitement that comes with rallying behind a cause.
Seeing people change their insensitive behaviors as a result of my efforts.
It makes me feel good about myself.
Hearing how appreciative people are of my hard work.
It’s low-commitment.
What if you overhear or are part of a conversation where someone make an insensitive comment about the group you’re allied to in real life? (Pick one.)
Expose them later by ranting about the comment and calling them out over social media.
Confront them.
Confront them aggressively, record it, and post it to social media.
Do nothing because I don’t want to start any conflict.
It depends who the person is (e.g. My boss vs. A friend).
Do nothing because #FreeSpeechMatters.
It depends on whether I found the comment offensive.
I join in with a witty, equally offensive comment.
Scenario: A member of the group you are allied to gets very angry with you over something you said to them. You’re initially taken aback—you didn’t know that what you said would offend them. You apologize profusely, but they don’t accept your apology. They ask for some space; they don’t feel very comfortable around you right now. How do you feel? (Pick at least one.)
I’m inconsolably upset.
I feel very guilty.
I’m hurt that they don’t feel safe around me. I’ve done so much for them as an ally.
I’m hurt that they don’t feel safe around me. I’m a member of a marginalized community as well; I know what it’s like to be oppressed, so of course I wouldn’t purposefully do it to someone else.
I’m annoyed at how dramatic they’re being.
I was sorry, but they’re being so rude and unreasonable that I don’t care anymore.
(Same Scenario as Above) What do you actually do? (Pick at least one.)
Give them space until they want to talk, if they want to talk.
Make profuse, emotional, and sincere apologies until I am forgiven.
Make profuse, emotional, and sincere expressions of remorse to other people in the group I’m allied to.
Try to make them understand that I would never purposefully hurt them because I know what it’s like to be oppressed.
Try to make them understand that I would never purposefully hurt them, reminding them of all I’ve done for them as an ally.
Complain to someone about the way they’re acting.
Cut off ties with that person.
(Same Scenario as Above) The person you offended is willing to forgive you with the caveat that you do something to show that you consider your own actions inexcusable (e.g. Resign from a position of power, apologize publicly). What do you do? (Pick one.)
I go above and beyond what the person asked for; I make sure everyone knows how sorry I am.
I don’t do it. I apologized, but I’m not anyone’s doormat.
It depends on whether I think their demands are reasonable.
I do it; no questions asked.
I do it because I'm scared of the social ramifications of refusing.
I do it but internally resent the person deeply.
I distance myself from that person or the group I'm allied to because I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them.
Which of the following is the most defining characteristic of an ally? (Pick one.)
Being educated about the issues marginalized groups face (staying woke).
Willingness to bring awareness to the issues marginalized groups face by any means necessary.
Educating and challenging other people in their identity groups.
They don’t just decide that they’re allies; the people they’re allied to allow them to work alongside them.
Using their privilege to help marginalized people, because they can’t stand up for themselves.
Telling people in positions of power what marginalized groups need.
An ally is anyone that isn’t a racist, homophobe, xenophobe, bigot, etc.
Scenario: You’re studying in the library when you hear from chatter around you that a nearby protest has resulted in a fair amount of property damage. Counter-protesters showed up and have started assaulting protesters. You know the protest is about an issue related to the group you’re allied to. Minutes later, you hear the circulation desk announce that students are to leave and return to their dorms for their own safety. How do you feel? (Pick at least one.)
Find out where the protest is and jump into the action.
Complain about being personally inconvenienced or about how the protesters are hurting their own cause by destroying their own cities.
Go home and keep studying.
Post something on social media to show support for the protesters.
Record the charged atmosphere and chaos of a mass evacuation for SnapChat.
Check in with some people I'm close to and make sure they're safe.
Ask some people in the group I’m allied to them how they feel about this.
Announce that I’m here if anyone wants someone to cry with or vent to.
Go to bed; I feel numb and/or exhausted.
(Same Scenario as Above) Some people in the group you're allied to want to have a space where they can express their emotions and discuss what they should do in response to the protesters' cause and the violence they experienced. But allies aren’t invited to be in this space. What is your reaction? (Pick at least one.)
I’m disappointed because I have a genuine desire to listen and learn.
I feel like I’m missing out on something that would be really exciting.
I’ve done so much to show that I support them; I don’t understand why they aren’t comfortable with me being there.
I want to be there because I have strong feelings and or / advice that I want to share too.
I would like to be there, but I’m okay with not being there.
I wouldn’t want to be there unless I was specifically invited and welcomed into the space.
I understand why the people in that group need their own space.
I’m only interested in joining whatever protest or march they’ve planned following that meeting.
I’m annoyed by the double standard (e.g. God forbid I try and create a Whites-only space).
How much I care depends on whether I believe the event that happened was truly a problem.
What are you like when you aren’t in the presence of the group you’re allied to? (Pick at least one.)
I try to recognize and stop doing things that perpetuate oppression and systemic injustice.
I share my ally status with everyone through social media and in conversations as often as possible.
I don’t do much related to social justice or activism outside of social media.
I’m afraid to tell anyone I’m an ally because I’m afraid of what people will think of me.
I say and/or do things that I know members of the group I’m an ally to would find offensive.
What issues do you have with the group you’re allied to? (Pick at least one, and be honest with yourself.)
They want me to learn more about the issues they face but aren’t willing to teach me.
They shut me down whenever I try to contribute to the discussion because of my “privilege.”
I don’t have any issues with the group I’m allied to.
They take my hard work for granted.
When I’m expressing guilt, grief, or frustration, they’re dismissive and insensitive.
They’re too aggressive, and it undermines their movement.
They’re too sensitive.
They’re racist / sexist / homophobic / etc. Towards everyone in majority groups.
They’re too authoritarian; they want to police what people can and can’t say, do, or even think.
What do you do about it (having issues with the group you’re allied to)? (Pick at least one.)
Complain to someone who isn’t a part of the group I’m allied to.
Reflect on the fact that my anger stems from a sense of entitlement as a member of a majority group.
Put up with their faults because I care about them, but resent them at the same time.
Do less activism and/or distance myself from people I’m allied to in my personal life because I resent them.
Confront the people who have offended me.
How do conduct yourself in discussions about issues related to marginalized groups (e.g. Sexual assault, transgender rights, immigration, etc.)? (Pick at least one.)
I play devil’s advocate.
If I want to know how a certain group feels about something, I ask a person from that group (e.g. I’d ask a Muslim woman how Muslim women feel about wearing burqas).
I usually don’t participate because I already know how they feel about most issues.
If the discourse gets particularly heated or emotional, I’ll start recording it and post it social media.
For the most part, I keep quiet and let others speak.
I share my own experiences of being mistreated.
I don’t feel the need to participate in such discussions.
The discussion turns into a debate / argument after I make a comment.
None of the above.
Which of the following have people in the group you’re allied to said to you? (Pick at least one.)
It’s not my job to educate you, or something similar.
That’s a really insensitive question / I don’t feel comfortable answering that, or something similar.
I’m not here for your entertainment.
Stop patronizing me.
Stop monopolizing the conversation.
Using terms like White tears / cis tears / male tears / etc. In response to my getting emotional.
Do you want a cookie? (Or something dismissive in response to me sharing something I’m proud of having done as an ally).
You’re a bad ally / you aren’t an ally at all.
Stop tone-policing me.
I’ve been asked to leave a space because of something I said or did that offended someone.
If I’m struggling with criticism, rejection, etc. because I’m an ally, I… (Pick at least one.)
Ask other allies and people I’m close to for support.
Don’t let it stop me from doing what I do.
Am honest with the people I’m allied to about how hard it is.
Boast about it.
Stop and take a break from activism until I feel ready to go back.
Only do things that I know won’t offend people.
I never face any problems due to my being an ally because I keep my activism separate from my private life.
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