The Quirky Spirit Animal Quiz
The Quirky Spirit Animal Quiz
Discover your inner spirit animal in a delightfully absurd way! This quiz is filled with whimsical, humorous questions designed to showcase your personality in unexpected and entertaining scenarios.
- Uncover your quirks and preferences.
- Engage with playful and funny options.
- Share your results and join the fun!
Finish the quote: "Why did the chicken...
...cross the road?"
...steal my alcohol?"
...become crispy?"
...break his oath?"
...stand, motionless, unblinking?"
...fly the entire length of a football field?"
What is the first thing you do when you go to Disney World?
Swing on the swing.
Get sunburned.
Climb across those monkey bars.
Dig a five foot deep hole and sit in it.
Theft.
Buzz Lightyear Assassination.
Someone at the door is trying to sell you something.
Buy it immediately.
Sell them the deed to great grandfathers land.
Say "Whoops!" and have a stroke.
Stare strait at them without speaking for three minutes while they explain what they are selling. Then, with a smirk, put a hand on their shoulder and softly say: "I'm not even here right now" and then violently lurch yourself sideways into the pachysandra.
Loudly and confidently exclaim "I have no need of your poisonous words, away you filth!" then look down meekly at your feet.
Say "I find your lack of faith disturbing commander." Then repeatedly try to force choke them.
You have been hired to come up with an educational children's television show. What is your pitch?
"It's like Sesame Street, but without all the diversity."
"It's like Sesame Street, but its on a busy road."
"It's like Blues Clues, but with violent real life crimes."
"It's like Alien, but sometimes the Alien will look at the screen and ask the viewers what to do next."
"It's like Sesame Street, but actually it's not. My show is literally the opposite of Sesame Street."
"It teaches math, but numbers are people. So, like, to subtract five someone actually has to go out and kill him."
You are trapped in a submarine that is taking on water. What do you do?
Find the hole in the submarine and swim out into the open ocean.
Find the hole and fix the hole.
Don't even look for the hole, just wait for death.
Wait for death, then look for the hole and swim out into the open ocean.
Find the hole and fix it, then wait for death.
Make more holes.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Sipping whisky in the belly of a Sperm whale.
Sipping red wine on a rooftop terrace overlooking the Rio Grande.
Sipping a decaying Bud Light on your friend's dad's garage overlooking the Cuyahoga River.
Sipping the few remaining droplets of water from your canteen on top of a sand dune in the middle of the Gobi Desert overlooking what appears to be a large body of water but what is in fact just a cruel trick of the light.
Sipping coke with the world record holder for the most mischievous grin.
Sipping Chicken noodle soup in a rain barrel.
Your favorite young adult novel is:
Moonlight: The tale of three vampires, six werewolves and four regular people who must save the world from the secretive and nefarious Council of Evil, but they are all in love with the same girl!
Drex Baxter And The Genies Book One: Snivil's Request: The Story of a regular boy who learns he is the son of the powerful Genie Florfo. Drex must now go to Genie camp where he has to learn how to grant wishes and fit into bottles. But when he graduates he learns that he must now grant wishes to his creepy old highschool teacher Mr. Snivil. What a horrible twist of fate.
Dawnlight: The story of Susan Dorklins who must complete her highschool exams, but she keeps getting asked out by the same 13 people.
Harold Spector: The story of a young boy who learns he can use magic. But at magic school he discovers that he's actually really bad at magic, and might actually be better off in public school.
Harold Spector Book Seven: Curse of the Raven: When Harold Spector learns that his friend is doing a science fair project on birds, he decides to lend a helping hand. Calamity ensues.
The Death Games: It's literally just the Hunger Games. Someone just put another book jacket over it. If you take the book jacket off it still says "The Hunger Games" underneath.
Your dog Tobus has found something in the backyard. What is it boy?
"Your liver." Tobus replies.
A wooden duck.
A plastic shovel.
"You buried my brother... In a paper bag... from Trader Joes..." Tobus replies.
A stick.
A dog toy.
Your favorite Disney Princess is:
Captain hook.
Meredith the diseased mermaid.
Soot Wench.
Mr. Starky.
Bethil, princess of filth.
Mr. Smee.
Pick a color.
Grink
Plurpl
Sundale
Micky's Red
Suege
Not yellow
What's the worst thing your dentist could tell you?
"Stop calling me "Friend." I'm not your friend."
"My oh my thats one tenacious parasite."
"Say... What gives? I've never seen a tooth do THAT before..."
"You have nice eyes. Too bad I can't be pulling those beauties out any time soon, haha!"
"Sit down and try to relax. My last patient didn't relax. Thats her in the sink over there."
"What? You say you were here last week? And I pulled your tooth? Why thats impossible! I was on vacation in the Cayman islands with my three twin brothers. My brother Donnie, who does not believe in secretly experimenting with mixing ape and human DNA, Ronnie, who is in agreement with Donnie on that question, and... oh... Oh no... Where was Johnny... Oh god no..."
What's the best thing your dentist could tell you?
"keep calling me "Friend." I AM your friend!"
"Ha! This little dude is to parasites what Guy Fieri is to literally anyone who has made a sandwich."
"Say, what gives? I've never seen teeth this beautiful sparkly white before..."
"Shoot! I left my eye scooper I MEAN dentist tool in the trunk. Just sit tight ill be back in fiiiive minutes. Don't leave or anything."
"Sit down and try to relax. Oh who am I kidding you passed the test already. Take this check for fifteen thousand and get!"
"Apes have five times as much finger strength as a human."
You have inherited a pizza shop from your mean uncle Frank. To make it your own, you decide to change the slogan from "The best pizza you can eat-za!" to:
Frank's Pizza: "The best PEAT-za you can EAT-za!"
Frank's Pizza: "We deliver so fast the pizza is raw!"
Frank's Pizza: "Crisp and crusty just like grandma used to do!"
Frank's Pizza: "I can't believe it's not pizza!"
Frank's Pizza: "Beep beep!"
Frank's Pizza: "glug glug sputter, that's a lot o' tomato sauce!"
You stare into the mirror. What stares back?
One sly dog.
A paper clip, a piece of twine, and some elbow grease.
Caterpillar Man.
Greed incarnate.
A realm of darkness beyond imagination.
An even slyer, more ambitious dog.
You’ve heard of Star Wars: A New Hope, but have you heard of:
Thumb Wars: The True Pope
Star Wars: Obi-wan in Saskatchewan
Jabba the Hut’s Hutsy Singalongs for Padawons
Star Wars: Ewok Extremists
A little Decency
A full set of unsullied cutlery
What was your nickname in highschool?
"Iron Breath"
"The Slimer"
"Chief Fresh Pants"
"General Blood"
"The Crawfish"
"Dr. Fish hands"
If you were an animal, where would that animal live?
In the mud.
In dense, dripping vegetation.
In the minds of the weak.
In a constant state of Lachesism.
Fruit bat.
Public Library, non-fiction section.
You walk into a Denny’s and...
Walk right back out of there.
Loudly hum one note for as long as you can.
Slam your fist on the nearest table and yell that you need answers.
Slump down into a corner for the rest of your natural life.
Stare knowingly at the wait staff while slowly shaking your head and chuckling to yourself.
Do your job.
Your favorite movie is:
Wristwatch Men: The tale of a lonely bureaucrat who finds love in an unlikely place: An online dating site.
Columbus Crawl: The story of a reptile salesman who finds love in an unlikely place: His basement.
The Soapbox Pact: An enchanting story of nine homeless children in the 1940s who find a dead possum in the woods and repeatedly poke it with sticks.
Dispatch Eight: The true tale of an embattled police Sargent, a bored crime boss, and the card game that brought them together.
Larry and Steve’s Great Adventure: Join Larry and Steve on their quest to find the best cheeseburger in Detroit all while avoiding getting caught up in the violence of the 1967 Detroit riots.
Liberty Hounds: When a Luisiana lawyer mistakingly receives a ransom note directed to the governor of Mississippi, he throws it away and goes on with his life.
Where would you go for your dream vacation?
The place where they make all the stuff that says "Made in China".
Blubber-Town Alaska, ♪ where the fries are crispy and the people are risky ♪.
Chesapeake mole farms Ltd.
Borgoth's Lair.
Taco Bell.
Literally anywhere other than Borgoth's Lair..
Why are you taking this quiz right now?
All will be revealed in good time... In good time...
*Looks around frantically* *Whispers* "This is a quiz??"
Plead the fifth.
Plead Guilty.
Because I have a genuine interest in finding out what my spirit animal is.
Because the guy said if I finish this quiz he's going to give me a gummy bear.
What is your dream Job?
Bird Watcher.
Scent Manager for Acme Fish Guts Incorporated.
Fish gut sorter at Acme Fish Guts incorporated.
Event Manager for the annual Extinct Animal Appreciation banquet.
Fish gut squeezer at Local Bert's Cheap Fish Guts.
Acme Fish Guts Double Agent Undercover as a fish gut squeezer at Local Bert's Cheap Fish Guts.
Oh No! Your parachute has ripped in half and you are hurtling towards the ground at 9.8 meters per second! Frantically, you scan the landscape for the nearest...
Pile of boulders.
Large metal spike.
Gravel Driveway.
Block of cement with twisted, rusty rebar poking out the top.
Barbed Wire Trampoline.
Working parachute.
This is the last question. Is there anything you want to say before it's over?
I'd like to thank my parents, my friends, my siblings, but most of all I'd like to thank you, dear viewer. Without your continual support I wouldn't be possible. So, until next time, merry Christmas and don't forget to double knot your shoelaces.
No thank you, I have other important matters to attend to.
I know who the real killer is.
Oof. Yikes.
I just want to say that if you are ever in need of quality fish guts, come on down to Local Bert's Cheap Fish Guts. We sell for half the price as the other guy and it drives em crazy!
You will be in touch with my lawyer soon.
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