How (Not) to Mess Up at Uni

You've just arrived at uni in a brand new city. You venture out into its labyrinthine streets on the used bike you've just bought. How does this first foray go?

You sail through its cobblestoned streets like a pro. By noon you've mastered the city centre; by 3 pm you're a native.

You cycle around erratically, terrifying tourists. Two hours later, you're hopelessly lost.

You plunge straight into a pothole, which was hidden by a puddle. You sprain an ankle. It's only Day 2.

Communicating with our loved ones has never been easier. How often do you get in touch with the valued people in your life while at uni?

I call my mom, my grandma, and my best friend every other day. I ask them to put my pet cat on the phone too because I'm homesick.

Every now and again I send a message or call to let them know I'm alive.

Who?

Lectures are a big part of the university experience, and a lot of these have a sharp 9 am start. What is your approach to these?

At the beginning of term I write down my entire lecture schedule - there are so many I want to go to!

Well, I know I'm here to study, but... 9 am!? I pencil in a lot of 10 and 11 am ones to make up for it.

Lectures? Yes, I went to one once.

What is the most essential item to pack for your holiday?

A comprehensive guide to local historical landmarks.

Sunscreen, swimwear, and a good book – got to look cool while soaking up the sun.

A toothbrush, I guess? And maybe some snacks, you never know when the munchies will strike.

You've just started uni, and it's time to find a part-time job to support your studies. Which option best describes your dream part-time gig?

Lab assistant in the Physics department, where you can spend your evenings conducting experiments and debating the mysteries of the universe.

Working at a local coffee shop, serving up caffeine to your fellow students and mastering the art of the perfect latte.

Testing mattresses for a mattress company, ensuring they are comfy enough for the ultimate power-nap experience.

You may have celebrated a bit too hard last night, and now you're dealing with the consequences. What's your ultimate hangover cure?

A refreshing fruit smoothie to replenish those vitamins and minerals – nature's way of saying, "You'll be fine."

A hearty breakfast with eggs, toast, and a side of bacon – a classic cure for the common hangover.

Whatever you find in the back of the fridge that looks remotely edible, because let's face it, you're in survival mode now.

Let’s dive into the quintessential university experience. Can you hold your drink when going out with your mates?

I treat it like a hot potato – pass it on to the next person as quickly as possible. My liver sends me ‘thank you notes’ for sparing it the torture.

It’s like I’m trying to set a Guiness World record for the most awkward dance moves.

I could sip tea with the Queen and still maintain my composure.

Congratulations on navigating the maze of potential romantic entanglements at university! What is your exit strategy the morning after?

I bid a cordial farewell, exchanging pleasantries and leaving with a dignified air. My departure is so smooth that even James Bond would nod in approval.

It’s like a scene from Mission Impossible. I had to climb out the window, manoeuvre past the flatmate, and execute a flawless ninja vanish.

Exit strategy? I left through the front door wearing sunglasses and a high-vis jacket – blending in with the construction crew outside. Stealth level 100%!

After a week of student budgeting, how would you describe the state of your wallet?

My wallet is a thriving ecosystem, experiencing robust financial growth. It’s so healthy that I could teach Jeff Bezos a thing or two about budget brilliance.

It’s a delicate balance between a few crumpled notes, some loose change and a receipt from a questionable kebab shop. I call it the ‘financial trapeze act’.

Like a barren desert – my wallet has never seen so much emptiness.

Upon moving into your shared flat, what is the state of your cooking skills?

I can whip up gourmet meals using a microwave and a toaster. MasterChef, here I come!

The only thing I can confidently prepare is a bowl of cereal, and even that’s debatable.

Usually setting off the smoke alarm and creating something that vaguely resembles ‘edible’. I have a fire extinguisher on standby just in case.

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