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Are you a Mookie, a Sara, or a Brian?
 
In the tech world, it is common for employers to have their employees take personality quizzes to help them better understand their employees without making a legitimate effort to actually understand their employees. Sara has taken several at the behest of her employers and Brian has taken several at the behest of Sara. Mookie took one involving a dead sealion and failed miserably. 

These various tests have provided Sara and Brian an acute insight into who they are as people and we thought it might be fun for you, dear guest, to take this highly scientific quiz, and find out if you are a Sara, a Brian, or a Mookie.

 

 

A driver just cut you off on the highway, what do you do?
Stick your head out the window and smile at him.
Ignore that and keep listening to a Bill Simmons Podcast.
Cut that driver off immediately and then slam on your brakes to scare him. If the problem persists, keep following that driver until you can exact your revenge. He deserves to die.
You arrive at the beach, what do you do?
Check the wind and the wake.
Sprint to the nearest stranger’s personal property, steal it, and then run into the ocean like an idiot.
Scan for volleyball nets.
Your favorite sports team hasn’t made the playoffs in 20 years, what do you do?
Keep watching all their games. This might be the year.
That’s impossible, my favorite sports team wins the championship every year.
Sprint onto the field naked.
You hear a saxophone, what do you do?
Tell everyone else you hear saxophone and then follow the sound until you can tell whether they’re better at saxophone than you or not. If they’re better than you, keep listening forever. If they’re not, move on.
Pee yourself and hide under the nearest table.
Assume it’s a trumpet and be mildly annoyed.
You hear electronic music, what do you do?
Bark.
Pee yourself and hide under the nearest table.
Describe in vivid detail the emotional significance of the music, while forcing others to continue to listen.
It’s time to take a shower.
Okay, that’s cool.
Yeah, that’s fine.
Oh. My. God. NO F’NG WAY!
Your hair?
You’re losing it and it’s not coming back.
You have a moderate and consistent growth rate.
You lose mountains of hair every day and all of it grows back every day.
What did you have for dessert?
A plastic bag.
Ice cream.
What didn’t I have for dessert?
Who is your favorite Game of Thrones character?
Ghost
Ghost
Ghost
You’re trapped on a deserted island and all you have to eat is a never-ending bowl of crème fraiche, what do you do?
Fashion a spoon and settle in for the long haul.
Starve to death.
That’s impossible. There must be wood there and wood is delicious.
You find yourself in a civil lawsuit, now what?
Awesome! I always wanted to sue someone. Let’s do this!
Settle as quickly as possible. Lawsuits are stupid.
Chew all the papers. That way, they won’t have any evidence plus you get to chew paper which is the best anyway.
You prefer sports that:
Enable you to contribute to a team’s success.
Make you feel alive!
Involve chasing others until they are annoyed with you.
You’re currently reading?
A novel or short story collection, it’s either old or weird and maybe both.
No, I’m not.
A book about management techniques.
Your favorite TV shows are?
Drama when I’m sober, Youtube videos when I’m not.
Comedies when I’m sober, comedies when I’m not.
That one video of a dog saying “I love you” when I’m sober, that one video of dogs eating like humans when I’m not.
You speak . . .
Good boy!
English
French, English, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic
Keep your friends close and your enemies . . .
Nearby.
As far away as possible. Who needs enemies?
Shoes.
Among friends, you’re known as:
The crazy one.
The quite one.
The fluffy one.
Your United flight is delayed two hours, now what?
Hide under a bench until someone drags you on the flight. Once aboard, cower and tremble.
While enjoying lounge amenities, write an email to United detailing how terrible they are. Eventually collect hundreds of dollars in vouchers.
Keep reading/writing/watching whatever it is you were reading/writing/watching before finding out that the flight was delayed.
Your idea of a relaxing vacation is?
Venezuela
Siberia
Hawaii
Phone games?
Not interested until they make them scratch ‘n’ sniff.
I try to do Duolingo sometimes.
If they involve chicken farming, or cooking fast food, or fitting blocks together, or math, or words, or hell, anything, I’m in!
What’s your type?
French girls
American guys
A Newfoundland named Lula
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