Building bridges
From human to human. Overcome conflicts. Avoid stress
You - Choose Type
ONE - The perfectionist
TWO - The helper
THREE - The winner
FOUR - The individualist
FIVE - The observer
SIX - The traditionalist
SEVEN - The enthusiast
EIGHT - The leader
NINE - The peacemaker
ONE - The perfectionist
Primary motivation: Like to be just. Strive for perfection and better their fellow humans.
Secondary motivation: Treat fellow humans in a fair manner. Want to turn the world into a better place. Be in control to avoid mistakes.
Temptation: Quest for perfection
Avoidance: Avoid mistakes and trouble.
Basic need: Be be right. Believe in being better than their fellow humans.
Basic distress: Autonomy is not taken for granted self-evidently in this world.
Basic fear: Discrepancy with their need for autonomy.
Stress trigger: Every kind of imperfection triggers anger and rage, which have to be suppressed.
TWO - The helper
Primary motivation: Want to be loved and respected. They want to express their feelings, want to be needed and appreciated.
Secondary motivation: Want to be needed and appreciated. They like to justify their own aspirations.
Temptation: Constant need to help other people. Their identity is in the needs and aspirations of others, hence not in themselves.
Avoidance: Suppress their own needs and project them onto others. They deny themselves access to their own needs as they solely live for the needs of their fellow humans.
Basic need: Is to be loved and appreciated.
Basic distress: In a way they don’t feel adequately loved and provided for emotionally in this world.
Basic fear: Problem with their need for love and recognition. They are fearful of what would happen, if their immense hunger for warmth, love and closeness takes on a life of its own and runs out of control. They are also afraid of not being loved and being unwanted.
Stress trigger: If their offers to help are declined, and if they are not afforded a ‘thank you’ for their preparedness to help.
THREE - The winner
Primary motivation: Seek affirmation, attention and admiration by their fellow humans. They like to impress others, and like to experience their successes by being recognised for them.
Secondary motivation: They strive to be the best, they like to outdo others and stand apart. They want to leave a footprint, and they will do anything and everything to foster their image and successes.
Temptation: Their efficiency and their craving to be admired for it. They are so convinced of their superiority, they particularly like to compete with the very people they want to be admired by.
Avoidance: Failure under all circumstances. There is nothing more tragic than being unsuccessful
Basic need: Aspire to be successful and like to be admired for their achievements.
Basic distress: In a way, they don’t feel adequately loved and provided for emotionally in this world.
Basic fear: They have a difficulty with their need for love and admiration. They fear rejection and non-acceptance by their fellow humans.
Stress trigger: Feel stressed, if people in their environment don’t afford them the admiration and applause they so desperately long for, and for which they orchestrate their activities.
FOUR - The individualist
Primary motivation: Seek to understand themselves and to find their identity. They like to express themselves well. They withdraw to protect their own feelings and generally deal with their own emotional needs before they are ready to turn their attention to others.
Secondary motivation: Seek self-realisation and like to create something beautiful, which will convey to others who they are. Before dealing with others, they need to sort out their own emotions. They like to pamper themselves to compensate for what they miss out on in the real world.
Temptation: Endless search for genuineness and originality. Everything that reflects true genuineness awakens in them the desire for the kind of simplicity and naturalness they have lost themselves.
Avoidance: Avoid ordinariness. They disdain everything that is normal or conventional. The mere thought to be like everyone else, causes panic-stricken fear.
Basic need: Aspire to understand themselves and look for self-realisation. They are in search of their own identities. Their highest priority is self-awareness.
Basic distress: In a way, they don’t feel adequately loved and provided for emotionally in this world.
Basic fear: Have an issue with their need for love and appreciation. They don’t feel welcome in this world, they feel unwanted and unloved. They fear that they don’t belong. They fear being defective or flawed in some way.
Stress trigger: If confronted with aggressive behaviour. Or if they have to admit to themselves that their achievements have been quite ordinary. This gets even harder, if they are not paid the attention that they had hoped for and even harder still, if they are confronted with experiences of loss.
FIVE - The observer
Primary motivation: Aspire to understand their environment. They like to amass knowledge, analyse everything and seek to protect themselves from threats by their environment.
Secondary motivation: They like to observe and understand everything, trace everything back to a unified concept, and have intellectual certainty. They reject all that does not conform to their ideas and withdraw from everything that could be a potential threat.
Temptation: Knowledge. This becomes the basis of their theories and models of the world. An opportunity to gather knowledge and analyse must not be missed.
Avoidance: They avoid disclosing their feelings or revealing their innermost thoughts.
Basic need: Understand their environment and not to miss anything.
Basic distress: Somehow the FIVES don’t feel secure in this world.
Basic fear: Difficulty with their need for security. They have learnt from experience that their environment is unpredictable or even menacing. In this respect the fear of being threatened by their environment or their fellow humans always lingers latently in the background. Their curiosity, their alertness and the need to put their observations into a coherent context, are attempts to protect themselves from real or imagined dangers.
Stress trigger: Experience stress, when being too heavily involved or feeling emotionally over-challenged. This means, that the involvement with a situation has become too close at the expense of the minimal amount of distance the FIVES need to maintain.
SIX - The traditionalist
Primary motivation: Looking for security. They need to be loved and accepted by others. They like to test others and seek to overcome fear and insecurity.
Secondary motivation: They like to be popular and fish for applause. This reassures them. They like to show themselves to advantage to compensate for their anxieties. They look for support when they are scared. They hope that their authority figure will come to the rescue.
Temptation: The ongoing pursuit of even more security. They don’t look for it within themselves, but find it in the outside world such as an authority figure or a belief system. At the same time, they are still suspicious.
Avoidance: Avoid wrongdoing wherever possible. Misdemeanour tends to lead to punishment by their authority figure.
Basic need: The basic need of the SIXES is secureness. Their demand for security confirms this.
Basic distress: Somehow, the SIXES don’t feel safe in this world.
Basic fear: have an issue with their need for security. The SIXES suffer mostly from anxiety and insecurity because they are very much aware of their fears. As they don’t find the feeling of security and secureness they so long for within themselves, they search for it in the outside world with an authority figure. As a consequence, they live in permanent fear of being betrayed, punished or exploited by the authority figure.
Stress trigger: If their preventative security measures prove to be ineffective or if they are faced with unexpected changes, the SIXES will experience stress. This is even worse, if they feel rejected by people or groups with whom they believe to be associated with, and turns into absolute disaster if they feel betrayed by their authority figure.
SEVEN - The enthusiast
Primary motivation: like to be happy, avoid pain, deprivation and boredom. They want to have fun and enjoy live. They enjoy being active all of the time.
Secondary motivation: They seek to be entertained and like to have free rein. If they want something, it has to be done right away. They suppress their fear by constantly looking for action and satisfying their spontaneous cravings without considering the consequences.
Temptation: Escape the fear of pain and boredom by looking for fun and diversions. They like to see everyone happy.
Avoidance: Will make every effort to escape and avoid pain, deprivation and boredom.
Basic need: The basic need of the SEVENS is to be happy and contented.
Basic distress: Somehow the SEVENS don’t feel safe in this world.
Basic fear: Have an issue with their need for security. Their fear of pain and boredom resulting from this is suppressed by their ongoing pursuit of activity. They are incapable of bearing this fear, they don’t want to deal with it and suppress it with diversions and activities they look for in the outside world. Nonetheless, they can’t escape it.
Stress trigger: If they don’t succeed in overcoming and avoiding situations in which they experience pain, loss or boredom in spite of all their activities and quest for fun.
EIGHT - The leader
Primary motivation: Like to be independent and act in their own interests. They like to influence their environment and dominate relationships with their fellow humans.
Secondary motivation: Want to prove their capabilities. They like to dominate their environment and exercise power, make their ideas and opinions prevail, be feared by their enemies and fight for survival.
Temptation: Their fight for justice. However, this means their perception of justice as only they are able to objectively assess what’s good or bad, just or unjust. Revenge and retribution are their means to bring back into balance the scale of what they perceive to be just.
Avoidance: Avoid helplessness, weakness und inferiority. They tend to be pretentious and self-righteous, but only to escape the notion of appearing weak.
Basic need: Maintain their independence at all costs. They achieve this by trying to shape the world according to their perceptions and intentions.
Basic distress: Their autonomy in this world is not taken for granted.
Basic fear: Have an issue with their need for autonomy. As a consequence, their basic fear is, having to subordinate to others. This is something they avoid like the plague. They worry, that if they surrender to others, they would be treated with exactly the same mercilessness as they would treat people. They fear the revenge and retribution of those, who they themselves have treated ruthlessly.
Stress trigger: If they are unable to tackle the obstacles in their path despite their aggressive and belligerent behaviour. This is even worse, if they feel betrayed or disappointed by fellow humans who they considered to be their friends.
NINE - The peacemaker
Primary motivation: Like to leave things way they are at the time. They look for unity with their fellow humans. They like to avoid conflicts, tensions and unpleasant situations. They strive for harmony at all costs.
Secondary motivation: They strive for harmony and peace, they like to settle disputes and unite people. In order to avoid any upheavals, they endeavour to keep everything at status quo. They like to sugar-coat problems and are in denial of anything and everything that is confrontational and that they may have to deal with.
Temptation: Self-abandonment. They repress their own egos in order to be receptive to others.
Avoidance: Avoid conflicts. They refuse unwaveringly to contribute to changing a situation. They don’t budge an inch, and hope that the conflict will simply vanish into thin air. Their method for this: ride it out and withdraw.
Basic need: Unite with other people. From childhood on they have retained their sense of self, by identifying with others time and again.
Basic distress: Their autonomy in this world is not taken for granted.
Basic fear: There is a discrepancy for the NINES in their quest for autonomy. The NINES resolve this issue by identifying with other fellow humans and hence sacrificing their own autonomy. Therefore, the greatest fear of the NINES is to be separated from the very people they have identified with. Every change harbours the potential for this to happen.
Stress trigger: When compelled by others to take an autonomous position which in turn requires a follow-up by the appropriate actions. Apart from that, any kind of conflict and confrontation are stress triggers of the NINES.
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