Jesse

The alarm starts to go off and you smack snooze until 7:00. You roll out of bed and let the dog out. After starting the coffee and putting a bagel in the toaster, you undress and get in the shower. 20 minutes later you’re ready for work. After letting the dog back in and finishing your coffee, you leave the house, making sure to lock the door behind you. You begin to cross the street to get to your car on the other side. What happens next?

2. The doctor tells you that you have ___ broken bones.

3. You start crying when he tells you this because…

4. 11 years of training. Five practices a week for the last decade of your life and it’s all gone. These thoughts crowd your mind the entire ride home with your parents. “Maybe you can still go to school there. We’ll call in the morning.” Your parents tell you. This just brings the tears back. You start crying because…

5. The first thing you do when you get home is…

6. TRUE or False: Your siblings try to be comforting but you yell at them to leave you alone.

7. The next day you wake up ready to spring out of bed to start the day. You sit up and immediately scream out in pain. Your father comes rushing in and yells “What’s wrong?!” to you nearly a thousand times. Reality hits you when you look down and see the casts on your legs. You start crying again and yell at your dad to get out. By now your mom’s woken up and rushes in. “Get out! Get out! Leave me alone!” Tears are streaming down your face and you throw your pillow at the door after they close it. You stay in your room and don’t eat for the rest of the day. You don’t sleep either; you just stare straight at the ceiling until your mother tentatively walks in that night. She tells you...

8. Your mouth presses into a thin line. “No,” you tell her harshly. “Jesse, sitting in bed won’t do anything for you. I won’t have it. Your appointment is at 9. Be ready to leave at 8:45.” You lie awake in bed for...

9. The therapist introduces herself as “Mrs. Kitty.” What a horrendous name. Most of the session is her asking you questions about yourself. She doesn’t even mention the accident. You give the shortest answers possible. When she asks you what emotion you’ve been feeling the most recently you tell her “____”.

10. Mrs. Kitty’s reaction to this is…

11. Finally, one hour after you arrive at the appointment, she tells you that you can go. Mom is waiting outside in the car and gets out to help you into your seat. She tells you that you have another appointment in two days. True or False: you plan on skipping it.

12. You haven’t spoken to your father in days. You spend all of your time locked away in your room. You’re failing all of your classes. Though the door is closed, you can hear your parents argue every night. The yelling goes on for hours. True or False: your father’s started drinking again.

13. Eventually your dad moves out. You haven’t seen him in weeks. Your mom continues to make therapy sessions for you. She’s started making them for herself now, too. Mrs. Kitty tries harder and harder every time to get you to talk about it. True or False: she finally wears you down.

14. You tell her that the accident has made you feel…

15. When she asks you why you feel guilty, you tell her because…

16. By now you’re up to three sessions a week. Your mom has the same amount. Your siblings are all confused and ask you about dad. You tell them that he’s just away on business but it kills you to see the false hope in their eyes when you tell them he’ll be home soon. It only makes you feel guiltier. You can hear your mother crying in her bedroom at night which is right next to yours. True or False: your mother is now on antidepression pills.

17. She keeps them in the cupboard above the sink where the others can’t reach them. They come in a little bottle but there are plenty in it. Your mother doesn’t know that you sneak one out of it every night. She also doesn’t notice when you take 2 per night. By now you’re up to taking ___ per night.

18. True or False: one day, Mrs. Kitty tells you: “Maybe life’s not for everyone.”

19. The next night, your mother has to work late. Your younger sister is the only one that’s home. You’ve been sitting in your room crying since you got home a few hours ago. Everything feels useless. You aren’t getting better, your therapist has given up on you, your dad isn’t coming back, and your mom is a basket case. With red eyes and tear-stained cheeks you go to the cupboard above the sink. Without hesitating, you swallow ____ of your mother’s pills.

20. Later, your little sister finds you passed out _____.

21. True or False: you wake up.