So You Are The US National Team Coach

You train in Honduras with the team. You look out at your options. Dempsey walks around showing everyone pictures of a fish he caught. Your biggest question: Which defender is most worthy of a place in the starting XI?

Omar Gonzalez

Geoff Cameron

Matt Bessler

An inflatable wacky-arm man from a used car dealership

As you drink water in the shade to escape the hot Honduran sun, Jozy Altidore walks up wearing a fake mustache. He claims he is Nosey Matador. Nosey explains that Jozy may be ineligible for the Honduras game, but Nosey is free to play. How do you handle this?

You ignore him.

You tell him that his childish outburst will not be forgiven.

You play Nosey Matador.

You send Jozy to Toronto in hopes of convincing Sebastian Giovinco to apply for US citizenship.

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